ABOUT | Toby Writes Stuff

Friends call me Toby. Frozen pizzas call me ملتهم من نوعنا, or “The Devourer of our Kind”.

If you need witty scripts, wittier headlines, and traditional or earned-first campaigns... I'm your guy.

Copywriter. Screenwriter. Devourer of frozen pizzas.

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If you need rapid-fire ideation or copy for social media, digital or print... I'm your guy!

If you’re Big-Armed-Brett-to-whom-I-owe-a-debt... Whoa! I'm 100% not your guy. Look elsewhere*

When I’m not hunched over a notepad, you can find me running, climbing, reading, or woodworking (poorly). Reach me at Tobiasschwartz73@gmail.com, and make sure to include your favorite Melissa McCarthy movie. Those who select The Happytime Murders should not expect a response.

Toby Schwartz

I Can't Draw, 2025

Ink on paper, 4"x2"

*Big-Brett, you beautifully-bicep’d-brute, if you’ve somehow become a Chicagoland talent recruiter, I apologize for the above comments, I have your money—I always have!—and I’m sure I’m a wonderful fit for whatever it is you’re hawking.

Recognition

Young Shits Advertising Club Competition 2025

Runner-up for Fairlife

The Crowbar Awards 2026

Silver Crowbar for Dollar Tree

Experience

Freelance Copywriter Current Global Feb 2026-Present